Two Pages of Chapter One

Thinking about certain memories made my stomach turn. Not because they were disturbing, but because so much time had come between me and the memories I held closest. My breath seemed caught in my chest and I felt extremely smothered. I stared out of the bus window, hoping maybe the thought of being off the bus would relax my lungs and ease my mind a little. The sky was as dark as I felt and it threatened to pour rain down mercilessly on the windshield. It didn’t matter, rain or shine, because I would go, everyday for as long as I could, because I had promised my sister. Hell, I wanted it to rain, anyway. After so long, the sky finally reflected how I felt inside and I didn’t mind getting wet. It was just water, after all.
The bus slowed to a stop at the red light two blocks away from my house. To me, the bus ride was lasting an eternity and, despite the fact that I had only been on the bus for less than fifteen minutes, all I wanted to do was scream and jump off the bus and run all the way to the cemetery like a madwoman. The light refused to turn green and I impatiently started counting the seconds we waited. My hands began to fidget and I was having a hard time sitting still. Finally, the light decided it had waited long enough and I released the breath I had subconsciously been holding as the bus turned the corner.
Everything seemed to be falling apart. Either that or I was really over reacting, which was more likely the case. Whether or not I was being overly dramatic or even if everything was as bad as I thought it was, I still wished that Sage was here to cheer me up.
The name echoed in my mind: Sage…Sage….Sage. She danced across my memory like a flickering flame against the wall in a dark room. She had always been like that: that light that brought calm and warmth in every uncomfortable situation. I saw her smiling face and couldn’t help but to sadly smile back at the image in my head. Sage had been a spitting image of me; of what I used to be. Of course, we had been slightly different from each other, in our own ways. I mean, no one, especially twins, were ever exactly alike in every single way imaginable, right?
I was so deeply lost in my thoughts I didn’t realize that the bus had stopped at my neighborhood. I gathered my things and hastily got off the bus. I looked up at the sky. Black storm clouds were forming fast above me. As much as I just wanted to stand there and breathe in the glorifying smell of rain to come, I knew I had to get going and fast. The other kids got off the bus behind me. Involuntarily, all of the muscles in my body tensed and, once again, my breathing felt labored.
I hated them all. Well, hate is a pretty strong word. Besides, they didn’t deserve that word. It was too simple for them and everything that had happened was far from simple. No, they were not simple. My feelings towards them were more along the lines of a strong sense discomfort, fear and resentment mixed together into one. I know that sounds bad and I was struggling to forgive them at this point, but it was still fresh in my heart. I guess you could say I was a bit bitter. After all, everything pretty much blew up only a few months ago. If you want to be real specific, it had only been three months and twelve days…not that I’m counting or anything.