I guess life is just like that. Time is definitely a juggernaut. No one can stop it. I guess it's almost like a cannibal too. Never thought of it like that before. Time kind of eats itself. If that doesn't make sense, don't bother. I don't want to give anyone a headache.
Things have seemed almost too quiet lately. There was a close call the other day but that was more of my paranoia I think. I wonder if it will ever go away. Probably not. It's in a bird's nature to be wary of their surroundings and jumpy and it's in a wolf's nature to be defensive. Good to have those as strong points when you are running from humans, right?
I'm reading this book called Unwind by Neal Shusternan (something like that) and it's really good. It kind of got me thinking about our days on the run and I was feeling a little nostalgic and decided to look back on previous posts to remember how things were before things quieted down.(If you don't know the book I suggest looking up a little bit about it or reading it...it's really good). Oh and by quieted down, I don't mean in a "there's nothing to do anymore". I mean that things just seem less threatening to me. Radar would probably keel over to know that I've actually begun to trust people again.
It's weird. I look back at my time in the School, and I realize that, No, it wasn't as bad at first. I actually had two friends apart from my brother and Radar. They were children of the scientists that were allowed to help participate in our experiment study. I never told Radar or Silence about this. I don't know if they, too, knew but never told me about the two kids. They were around the same age, only two years apart from each other. I had forgotten nearly all of that. Shoved it deep where no one, even I, could find it anymore.
The scientists treated me differently, too. Before Radar killed one of them. After the death of that one scientist (from Radar and her cookie) everything changed. The tests got harder on the defects. They used to treat us like humans. I actually felt at home there. I was different then. I was naive. Vulnerable. Weak. Trusting. Both of those kids became junior scientists with their parents. Very uncommon, but not unheard of. They began by doing observations of creatures like us. One of them made my wing worse. Tested on me without permission of his supervisor. Attempting to get more data. Maybe even higher approval rate from his parents boss. Both of them had a competition to see who was better. They shouldn't have been brought into it. Hey, who knows what their fate will be now though. They could end up like Ari. Scientists selling their own children. It all makes me sick.
I guess that's when I lost faith in humans.
After clinging to Radar for so long, I started to realize that I wasn't as stupid as I thought I was. When we were found out again and our lives were completey upturned I thought I was going to lose it. But I didn't. Meeting up with Storm and Sonar I think really helped us. Then we settled where we could, living human lives as normally as possible.
I saw those two kids I knew way back when the other day. Looking for us I guess. I wanted to turn the other way and run but I didn't. They looked at me when I walked past them. I smiled and said hello. We talked. They introduced themselves. I gave a fake name. They asked me if I had seen this person and that person. Radar and me. Of course, they wouldn't be looking for Storm or Sonar. They knew where they were and what they were up to. I realized that, they didn't recognize me. I didn't notice how different I had become. Looks and time, of course, have changed me. I mean, duh, runaway defect experiment, incognito, hello! But trying to live like a normal human being made me realize that I was human. Maybe part bird/part wolf, but still human.
They left. I was so amazed at how different things had become that I just kind of stood there.
I look at Radar and see how she changed. She was doing fine in the School. Growing up like anyone else. Minus the test tubes and all. I guess we grew up too fast. Survival of the fittest. We both snapped in our own little ways. She reverted backwards and I just kind of went numb. Now that I think about it, that's what probably caused our little abilities.
Me being able to see through people and feel their emotions. Seeing their history. What they hide from the world, just from the blindness I had when it came to my own emotions and memories. Radar being so attracted to animals and trying to take care of them all in effort to distract herself. I guess there's the rage too. But that seems far away now.
I am in a very pensive mood right now. Just thinking and thinking. And I know I talk and talk , going all over the place, about one thing to the next, but I really am just typing everything that comes into my mind. It's just an awesome feeling to have, feeling at ease and at peace with the change around you, for however short-lived it may be.
Anyway, I think I am going to stop ranting. Sonar, Storm and Radar all have to deal with it more than is nessesary. hehe, sorry guys. You know I love you all to death. I really don't know what I would do without you.
<3echo
PS. Movies was fun. And I just realized I forgot to eat today. Growl says my stomach. I need food.
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