Falling on Deaf Ears

I wish for once
That you would see
The way you treat him
Is hurting me

You’re so wrapped up
Inside your mind
That you can’t see
What you try to find

I tried so hard to compromise
To please everyone but me
I should know by now that in the end
That no one else cares to see

I’m not the smartest in the world
But I know how I feel inside
I never wanted so many I’ve known
To let someone else us divide

You aren’t the first friend
To consume me in your jealous rage
But it makes me hate you all
For trapping me in this cage

I’m sick of feeling I can never win
I’m sick of people’s lies
I’m sick of trying so hard to care
I’m sick of listening to silent cries

I don’t want to care
And in the past I’ve tried
Only to find a deeper wound
Than the one I tried to leave behind

You are just like the rest of them
Becoming selfish and impolite
I’ve come to the conclusion
That I no longer want to fight

These never-ending battles
I’ve fought and gotten through
I really didn’t expect to fight
This battle again with you


I’m tired and getting weaker
And you know that I hate to admit
But I wish SOMEONE could understand
I’m tired of going through this shit

I’m starting to believe
I’m better off alone
And maybe everything then
Will get better once I’m gone

I’m apologizing to myself
For putting myself in this mess
I’m sorry that you all had to go
And share in this distress

If you all were my friends
You would have seen before
How much I was torn up inside
Because all of you I adore

All I wanted was to start again
And run from who I’d been
I found you all and I believed
That maybe I’d fit in

I fell in love with this new view
And I felt I had it all
But once again, the ones I trust
Just helped and watched me fall

I hate these accusations
I hate the sneering taunts
Why can’t they understand
That I can’t be what everyone wants?

I just wanted to be happy
I just wanted to find new friends
I just wanted to be someone I liked
And tie up all the loose ends

I tried so hard to please them all
Hardly asking anything in return
Asking anything at all, I’ve found
Is as useful as a burn


I wanted to make it better
I tried to satisfy
But nothing was enough
Yet I continued to try

I tried to be sensitive
To the way you all felt
But I wasn’t going to sacrifice
My life, the cards were dealt

I just don’t know anymore
Did any one realize?
That I have things important to me
Some things that I won’t compromise

I listened to your snide comments
I listened to your scorn
Though I feel so differently
You have made me so torn

You know I care about you
But you know I love him too
Even knowing this
Your hateful words continue

You sat and gossiped everyday
Told me all the things that weren’t right
Told me he wasn’t good enough
Your words full of spite

I sat and listened to everything
You thought you saw in him
Always there was something new
Turning him into something grim

I finally couldn’t take it
I wouldn’t hear it anymore
I was tired of your bitterness
And I just wanted to ignore

Somehow the subject
ALWAYS seemed to lead
No matter how I tried to change it
Back to insulting him, indeed


Am I not entitled to live my life?
Should I not feel the way I do?
Do you blame me for this anger?
Can’t you see it’s also you?

I know I am not perfect
And I’ve my fair share of faults
But you, my dear, are no different
But you give yourself exalts

I refuse to completely blame myself
But I have accepted my wrong
You still insist on controlling me
Keeping me where I no longer belong

Friends should never do this
Make you feel so guilty and alone
I’m not surprised this turned on me
Like I said, I’m better off on my own

Maybe once you all have left
For I’m certain you mostly likely will
I’ll find a place in Ireland to live alone
Where the tensions remain forever still

Hiding away, by myself
People would let me be
No one could I disappoint
Except maybe only me

In return they would not betray
And disappoint me like others in the past
Though I expect so little to begin with
It would make this time the last

I tend to hang on to things
I love too tightly and
I’ve apologized so many times
But it only comes down
To one thing in the end

I’m sorry that I just couldn’t change me
And
Be anything better than what I used to be